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So much shiny--I mean spoilers to TRON: Legacy
So bro had the bright idea of watching the midnight screening of TRON: Legacy on the day it opens (technically the 2nd day it opens) and I don't see why not so we booked the tickets to the 3D version. Ouch but worth it. Even though it was 5 minutes into Friday, the theater was packed. Don't these people have work tomor--oh wait... December holidays now. Right.
We sat through the inane chatter of the surrounding, ads we've seen before, a few minutes of technical difficulties as they switch from normal projection to 3D projection (I predict a riot--but I was wrong), 3D ads we've never seen before and Gulliver's Travel trailer in 3D before being subjected to a 3D shiny laser light rendition of Walt Disney Pictures logo.
It's beginning! <3 Green words on screen tells us most scenes are 3D but some scenes are shot in 2D and they are meant to be 2D for storytelling purposes and that we should keep our 3D glasses on. Girl sitting to my right pretty much paraphrased the green words to her boyfriend. Bro thinks reading comprehension is a lost art. I am inclined to agree.
Woah TRON poster! I <3 you for introducing it to me, Chuck Bartowski!!
Young Flynn in Real World looks fake. :S Did having a son dampen his douche-iness?
Oh! No... His douche-iness was prevalent in all those clips of him the news covered during his disappearance. OMG KEVIN FLYNN IS TONY STARK?!?!
Happy son's slightly less douche-y but more fake-looking dad went missing. Turns into emo son. Then grows up to be thrill-seeking idiot son.
The bike chase music had Daft Punk written all over it. :D
Ooo... Black Ducati! <3 Please don't let it be the one with the ugly metal bars, please don't let it be the one with the ugly metal bars, please don't--OH THANK GODS NO UGLY METAL BARS!! Those metal bars under the gas tank are hideous!
Douche-y CEO addressing his minions and son of the first movie's douche-y CEO Dillinger. Gods... As if the world needs more douche-y CEOs or Dillingers. (IMDB says he's the uncredited Scarecrow. I say he could be subtly set up as the next big bad.)
...I was kinda expecting to see more advances in technology. Like that pin table thing in X-Men or the air gesturing thing in Minority Report, seeing as we already have multitouch-capable sleek black computing table back in 1982. :P
Ah... Papa Awesome. You have gained much gravitas in your finely matured age. Me likey. <3
Oh the douche is strong in this one! Truly the son of The Original Douche. Son of Douche!
Hey! A pager!! I wonder what numeric code did Papa Awesome receive from The Original Douche...
...Nice. Flynn's Arcade was not torn down after all these years! The phone line's been cut for 20 years but the electricity is still running!! The plot demands and it is made so!!!
Yay jukebox! <3 Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) and Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This).
Does the retro arcade machines accept new coins? ...Apparently it doesn't.
Secret passage, found! Secret lair, entered! Secret important multitouch-capable sleek black computer table, covered in dust! I don't think dust works that way when you swipe at it!!
Ooo... Zap! Ooooo... My 3D glasses are finally working. Shiny...
Damn. I kinda like the guy with half his face deresolutionized. Never to be seen again~
Ooo kinky. Being dressed by 4 vacuum-packed white-latex clad chicks stomping around on fuck me heels in unison. Me likey. <3
...And Young Prince Douche-y wins The Game. Of course.
Hey! That last guy Rinzler reminds me of Snake Eyes--what with his helmet and double-wield light discs and all. :D The placement of those 4 dots on his chest is significant. I know it. *whispers* Tron...
Ah. I was expecting you, The Original Douche. Even though I already know you're not really The Original Douche from the trailer I DID NOT WANT TO SEE BUT WAS FORCED UPON ME BY ANOTHER MOVIE!! *ahem* I guess I'll hafta dub thee The Original Cloned Douche Program!
Nice! Light cycle races have discovered the third dimension since we last saw them.
Ah, Olivia... I was expecting you to swoop in to save our intrepid douche.
Also, I had long pondered the possibility and/or feasibility of having driving controls on both sides of the car--either with one control to swap or slide over as and when needed or two controls with only one side activated each time. Thanks for showing me that it is possible in The Grid.
Oh mountain lair that looked like it's actually inside a dormant volcano! The Original Douche is now The Dude. Guess spending so much time in a volcano does that to you huh. But spending so much time in a volcano does not explain the frock and hood!
Oh gee... I can see the Eye of Sauron from the mountain balcony that overlooks the city The Original Cloned Douche Program built. What do you mean that's not symbolic?!
TOD/TD: So anyone in your life? Wife? Girlfriend?
SoD: No. Just a dog.
TOD/TD: *slightly surprised look*
Me: (as TOD/TD) I'm a cat person myself. *gestures to Olivia looking catty and cat-like*
Me: (as Olivia) Meow. =3
Why does Olivia look so stumpy? I didn't think she looked this stumpy on House. And her being all wide-eyed and innocent is so darn cute! I like her here more than I ever will on House!!
And the Holy Douche is off to find
Dude... Stealing a hood from some homeless man is not cool. No matter how much like a Jedi apprentice it makes you look. Seriously.
Hey it's that white latex white girl from before! Nice brolly... <3
OOO!! I like this one a lot. Tony Blair reminds me of the evil albino twins in The Matrix. He owns the End of Line Club! He has Daft Punks spinning for him! He has a pimpin' transparent Plexiglas cane! He's crazy! He's funny! He's Zuse!! What does it say about me when I always end up liking this type of crazy funny opportunistic lowlifes? XD
Daft Punk continuing to spin in their booth while the fight goes on below is all kinds of awesome!
Son of Douche caught! Olivia fail! Show 'em how it's done, The Original Douche/The Dude.
And poof! Zuse became Coco Crunch! I would like to use this opportunity to point out that his End of Line Club is located very very high above the Digital City of Sauron. Like way above what constitute the cloud level. Like Mount Olympus high. >_>
Oh hey look! A conveniently placed freight train heading for where our intrepid douches are going. I wonder what they will do.
SoD messing with TOD/TD's Zen was funny. Does that mean that TOS/TD will be just TOD again?
Ah... So nice of them to give them some down time to bond with each other. Father-Son bonding, with extra douche-iness. I knew that nice bike is too beautiful and ugly-metal-bar-less to be a contemporary build! Son-pet cat bonding, with extra sexual tension. Father meditating with a nice white glow behind his head. What do you mean it's not symbolic?!
The Original Cloned Douche Program is building an army by reprogramming other programs?! Where have I heard that one before?
The Original Cloned Douche Program addressing his newly reprogrammed army? I feel like calling him Emperor Palpatine and giving in to my anger...
Send in the
Epic showdown between the user and the program. Can't say I didn't see it coming.
All I wanted was to be loved by you, don't you know? That's why I worked so hard to be perfect, just like you asked me to be! Now you tell me you were wrong and that the world does not have to be perfect. Are you kidding me? Do you mean to say everything I did for you was pointless?! No, I will not have that!! Wait a minute! Your douche-y son and your pet cat girl is in The Beam doing the classic TRON movie poster pose! That's not good!! That means your douche-y son is getting out and he's going to stop me! Noooo~~ Stop dragging me back with your awesome Jedi Force trick! Aarrrggghhhh~~~ (TOD/TD: Come! Let me embrace you in my bosom!!) Oh god you're hugging me! AARRRRRRGGGGGGHH-- *bursts into tiny silicon chips*
*boop*
And we're back in the real world with Son of Douche, downloading everything into a nifty chip like thing that is much too big to be a microSD card from a Nokia phone. Don't they know anything? Apple out-douched everyone in like 0 A.J. (After Jobs) or something. All other brands no longer exist due to lack of douche-iness.
Except for the Douche-COM, Apple's sole douche-competitor. Especially now that Son of Douche wanna take over the company. Apple will be crushed!
Aww... Papa Awesome is the kind of guy you wanna phone in case of an emergency. Or page, since he seems to only respond that quickly to that tiny black box. Or maybe it's a Flynn thing. Papa Awesome is a douche-magnet... His growing gravitas has the unfortunate side-effect of drawing in douches.
Where did Olivia get normal real world clothes? I really hope it's not from The Original Douche's secret crossdressing stash in his office... He would be devastated!
Riding without helmets? Don't they have traffic polices to catch them??
...End scene.
No extras after the credits but the credits are pretty, shiny and pretty shiny. We always stay til the credits end anyway so there!
Side note: I am so glad I watched the original TRON on Wednesday. All the allusions and references!! <3<3<3
Side side note: It occurred to me after I got home that all them computer/technological people are all douchebags. We have The Original Douche, Son of Douche, Son of Dillinger, Tony Stark, Justin Hammer, Facebook guy, etc. Is douche-iness a prerequisite to be successful in this digital age?
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