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Yay for today. My very first Uni chalet was surprisingly fun but today's post isn't about the chalet. It's about how our dear beloved lizhen formerly known as vivi has finally stopped thinking that she's the one at fault and she's the one who's bad!
...Too bad it took a confirmed piece of gossip and some concrete clues to make her walk out of that self-depreciating downward spiral.
The low-down: guy breaks up with vivi and had listed all her bad pts in that breakup meet up and left her feeling down and wondering if she was that lousy in all her past relationships. Cue emo spiral. Cue mood swings when alone.
A little bird told me that guy was seen with another girl
Then a few days ago, I got to know
So at a chance moment in the chalet, I manage to break the news to vivi of what I'd heard few days ago to vivi and she'd manage to get the story from my source.
...And she's finally thinking that she's in the clear. She's not the one in the wrong.
It would've been better she didn't hafta use that piece of news as a reason to stop questioning herself but it'll be hard to break the cycle without a bit of external input I suppose.
~~~
She'd brought up an interesting issue just now though. How do one know when/where/who to put their trust on?
So I told her about how I'd taken to thinking everyone who is human has an ulterior motive in the things they do/say. It'll be easier on my poor naive heart if I'd prepared myself for the worst but not matter what I think, I end up trusting them.
I have this problem with answering questions that anyone pose to me without much thought put to it. And more often than not, the answer I give ended up being used or is the confirmation that they were
No matter how much I prepare myself for it, I'll end up with a slipped tongue and many sore and bruised egos.
So she says she should try to do what I do. But that's not really the same as not trusting at all. I mean, even though I do try to put up as much wards and shields as possible, I still end up trusting them and a major slip of tongue.
...What I haven't told her was how I judge trust in others. I was about to tell her that my way of judging trust, I put my trust in other people with just the right amount of doubt and caution to make sure my hopes aren't dashed. Sure I trust them people but I also trust them to break my trust. If they do, it'll all be within my expectations so nothing lost there. If they don't, then well, I'll be pleasantly surprised and pleased. And keep em around for life. =3
Bad thing about that strategy is I don't let anyone in close enough. I don't really have someone to kid around and name-call like she does. I don't really have someone to turn to for consolation and other random girly touchy-feely moments. I mean, sure I have friends who are great fun to hang around but I realize they don't call me by any nicknames. You will only give someone an affectionate nickname if you're really close to that person. And like, with a name such as Theresa, there's so many syllabus to play with but not one of em actually gave me any nicknames. 3sa came about when I was bored and coming up with different ways to shorten it. *I* had to come up with my own nickname. How sad can that be?? Lol...
...I sure hope she don't stop trusting people just because that's how I do things. She don't needa take off her rose-tinted glasses just yet.
I'd left mine back in my 2nd year of secondary school.
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