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"i seemed to have lacked to give two important things when i was giving birth to you two. A heart and a conscience."
those were her first words the moment she entered the room. without so much as a pause, she launched into another moral education lesson. "do you even know what day it is today?" she had asked. he instinctively answered mother's day so matter-of-factly that the whiplash was making my head spin. but quickly catching on his drift, i stretched open both arms and called for her to enter my embrace for my mother's day present.
she didn't even give me a backward glance as she continued to lecture us.
she went on to rant about how we are unfilial. that just yesterday, when she fell from a chair, we didn't even bother to go take a look and offer our concern for her. that it'll take god knows how long before we would find her dead if she ever do die. that we used to give her flowers or cards when we were younger. that i am my father's child alone, not hers.
the two of us sat in silence as she continued on her quest to find fault with everyone. he had his earphones on, most likely on maximum while i had to brave the elements earphone-less.
i know it is the female hormones raging in her but it still kinda hurts to hear it from her. how we didn't care about her and how we are only interested in everything else but her. it might have been the lack of tender loving care during my childhood years that i didn't learn how to express concern for anyone. not even after moving from ignorant child to desolated youth. i've never had enough experience with sadness and dejection to offer any sort of comfort to anyone.
logically, i would just ignore the whole incident and go on with life but it might be the last few years that we are actually on good terms that is making me feel bad. it's making me feel like i should've told her we do care but we don't know how to show it to her. we are behaving aren't we? we aren't running off in the middle of the night and coming home reeking of alcohol and vomit are we? the simple things that we try to do but she might never take those as actual events of us trying to live up to her high expectations. her example of good kids would only exist in the fiction world.
/end rant. [code:mamasday05]
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