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i've been meaning to start an essay on this topic since last week when i first came across a posting in a friend's blog.
we all know how blogs are our online journal, our way of telling the rest of the world how our lives are. but there is no other way of saying this. bloggers are superficial people. they only blog because blogging is the only place they can brag about how lovely their lives are and getting others to envy them because if they were to brag like they do in real life, they would be deemed snobbish and be kicked out of their clique. they only blog because blogging is the only place they can bitch about how sucky their lives are and getting everyone to pity them because if they were to bitch like they do in real life, they would be deemed whiny and be distanced from their comfort group. they only blog because blogging is the only place they can announce their victories to the world and have people congratulate them on their wins because if they were to announce to everyone in real life, they would be deemed egoistic and be categorized with other megalomaniacs.
but when it comes to what really matters, most of us would never use an online journal as popular as blogspot to pour our hearts out, for things that we care deeply for. with your friends and your friends' friends having access to every word you type, one would be more careful with the topics they choose to discuss about in their so-called diary. you can't possibly discuss your budding crush on [A] as there is a very high chance of [A] actually reading your blog and laughing at your stupidity/naivety/sheer dumbness. you can't talk about how cute [B]'s ass is because for all you know, your possessive significant other is keeping tabs on you through this free diary service provided by the kind people of blogger.com.
sure we can have more than one online diary that is not known to anyone else except yourselves--containing posts that are of significance, but how would you know if someone else doesn't really know of it? how would you know if someone else doesn't have so much time on their hands to actually locate your mystery blogs?
google and yahoo are rather competent search engines, you know... especially if that "someone else" is a very close friend and knows almost all of your net aliases. what's stopping them? *sinister grin*
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the person i'm addressing this post to prolly wouldn't be reading since she is always very busy. but i'll just say it anyways. i know you are distracted enough yesterday during irene's birthday with zh-male (not zh-female) and most of the other jie mei gossiping about it. you don't hafta feel sad or confused just coz we leave without a word. don't always blame yourself for what others do/say. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!! i know you cherish your friends and it's a good thing but you shouldn't expect too much from us. i've told you before. i've explained it to you. but i can't change your mindset for you. you've got to help yourself.
ok. for all those confused, we planned a surprise birthday party for irene yesterday evening. it was supposed to be a ktv session in the afternoon but pq started her 1st day of work yesterday so we had to change it to dinner at 85. irene was very easily contented and despite all the attention being diverted to 2 other speculated pairs, she enjoyed herself. or so she says. irene is someone who doesn't let her thoughts drift too much so she might not even realize she wasn't the center of attention that night. many people said ignorance is bliss so i guess it's true.
the dinner was all fine and dandy but dragging towards the end, it was getting bland. all the girls were doing was just sitting around and chit-chatting. it was ok at first but nearing 9, me and xz was kinda bored. when we asked them if they wanted to do anything after this, they were all like "yea yea! let's go take some pictures!!" and just sat back to talk. the ones with cameras didn't even bother to whip out their devices to put the plan into action. the ones with cameras don't have much memory left to take pictures. we asked them time and again but always "yea yea! let's go take some pictures!!!" and not bothering to move from their spots. an hour passed. i asked xz "if we were to just stand up & prepare to leave, would they bother to listen to us?" so we did and it wasn't until xz asked them for the last time (standing up and all) that they noticed we are ready to leave. and they were still going on about taking pictures. exasperated, me and xz left without a word. (i mean, what else are we supposed to do, wave our arms around and announce our departure to the rest of the world while they try to convince us to "take pictures"??)
when i took a backward glance as we left the vicinity, they were standing--but still not moving. we heard the sound of running flip-flops and vivi was coming towards us, saying why we didn't call her when we were leaving. it wasn't long before xz received a call. i can hear from xz's voice she was quite pissed during the conversation. soon after xz hung up her call, vv's phone rang. lan had worked her magic, making vivi torn up between leaving with us (and ultimately reaching home earlier) and going back. but lan's magic or otherwise was too powerful and vv went back to them, leaving me and xz. i guess her loyalties will always lie with lan.
so we left early. i don't have the mood to drag endlessly with the rest of them and xz is pretty angry at their inability to make up their minds but this'll always be what happens when a large group of girls go out together. i don't blame anyone for what happened last night, however badly it ended up because me and xz left. in fact, if i were to blame anyone, i would blame myself. i was the one who suggested it didn't i?
when i got home, turned on msn. to my surprise, some of those eating with us in 85 were already home. (we met joel, evon and derek btw) after a few rounds of "questioning" derek, i found out that they all left after us. now kids, what does that tell you? we've ruined the mood for everyone and no one wanna "take pictures" anymore.
it's a good thing no one knows about my blog coz with all the rantings & bitching i've been dishing out here, i'm gonna be even less close to the empire than i already am.
...oh? i've never mentioned about this? it's a story for another time then...
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because of my current blog skin, you prolly can't see what the title of this post is. to allow you to fully appreciate the irony, it's called [the trouble with failure is...]
just to run you through, i failed my 1st attempt at obtaining a driving license spectacularly. i was "awarded" a total of 32 demerit points. never knew they gave that much points. haha... even with all the mental preparation of failure (like hell i'm gonna pass on my 1st try, being as noob as i am), the bitter taste of defeat still don't go down well. i think my instructor was being quite understanding, not used to my totally & utterly dejected look on my face perhaps. or maybe i overplayed the sad little girl with high hopes. speaking of high hopes, i've been to 2 different temples just so i can get sufficiently blessed to pass on my 1st try but i guess divine intervention was not strong enough to neutralize the super un-pro-ness of my driving. hee... there's a chinese proverb for people like me. the english translation, to my *ahem* best attempt, is: normally not religious, only turning to god when in deep shit. of course it doesn't sound as crude in chinese as my bestest try.on a brighter note, the $25 spent on renewal of my pdl didn't go to waste. hee...
well, i'm sure this "wayne's world" reference would be lost to most of the people who actually frequent this url (meaning 3 out of 4 homosapiens) but i'm gonna say it anyways. [on the license] it will be mine. oh yes, it will be.
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just another random story:
how was it that you can just slide up to me and start launching into a conversation like we have been best pals since the dawn of time? how was it that my quiet indifference didn't put you off even after close to half an hour of monologing? how was it that the beer in your hands never seemed to run dry?
i stared down at my pink fruit punch, laced with some sort of alcoholic beverage of course, and tried to drown out your incessant jabbering but the lull of your voice is drawing me deeper and deeper, gripping a vice-like hold on my attention.
by the end of that party, you have managed to hypnotize me into having a nice midnight snack at a diner around the corner with you. all without me saying a single word.
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aloha loyang: 05-09 april 2005
this chalet is prolly gonna be the last of us BIE nutcases' gatherings. and it was such an impromtu event that we only had less than 1 wk to plan. the food was bought and marinated a day before the check-in day. all the places we went and the games we played were thought up while lazying around/vegging out in front of the tv/playing dai-dee and mahjong in the 4 bedroom, 1 kitchen, 1 dining area, 1 front porch, 1 backyard and 1 huge hall bungalow chalet. i can't say it wasn't fun but because of the increase in the number of people we invited, it was of course awkward at first. but at the end of the 4D3N, we all were having a ball. this chalet has by far the least physical activity in terms of walking and carrying goods coz on average, we had 2 cars on standby. 3 if we're lucky. 4 if the stars are all aligned. thank you kailiang, edwin, kumar and ziyang!!!! *muacks* hee...
sadly though, we didn't go out shopping or caught a movie or even go to orchard like we had done for the past few chalets coz everyone is bummed out. we did get some sorely missed macD's breakfast. in a bid to appear more demure than i truly am, i opted for a SME meal but alas, the grape jam was leaky and got all over the tray. good thing no one really bothers. (i had a rather okay driving lesson that afternoon, but thanks to a big tour coach and my lack of sleep, i killed my engine again. sorry mr lim. i'm trying... i'm really trying.)
since i'm in the emo mode, another thanks to my bro for recording CSI: NY, CSI, and the 3 nights (wed-fri) of anime double-bill on arts central. i should be watching it now. ahha...
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it's been a while since i got pissed off. as in seriously pissed off. so pissed off that i wanna wringe her pretty little neck just so she could never make a sound ever again.
i had gradually moved away from the constantly angry stage to almost mellow. it's been a while since i wanted to just yell "YOU FUCKING BITCH!" in her face. but today, she is really pushing it. the big red button which says [Do Not Push] has been pushed and i had taken almost all of my self-restrain to stop myself from bursting out. of course, bursting out isn't a good idea since we are her "property" and that we "belong to her".
today, the new cabinet arrived and the first thing she said was "you better go see which bag very rotten le. throw away". then she asked us to "keep your books inside the cupboard hor". then she came and yelled for us to "quickly keep everything". in her perfect world, she would throw everything away. if she got her way, she would even throw us away. but too bad, it's illegal in singapore and being a law abiding citizen, she would never do that.
just because she cannot understand how we manage to stash everything away (anything not returned to a cabinet or shelf is considered messy to her) and still find out stuffs when we want it, so she forced us to go by her way. and because of her idiotic obesessive-compulsiveness, we have lost a great deal of ps1 games and precious childhood memories. we have lost a brand new ps2 memory card that hasn't even been opened. but still she insist that she didn't throw them away. it's kinda hard to believe her words, given her penchant for throwing anything she thinks is junk away.
i have no idea how long we are to take her pervertic antics but at least she hasn't reached the levels of Bree Van De Camp (Desperate Housewives). now that is the true meaning of being anal.
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damn blogger got my painstakingly-typed-out post screwed so i'll just give a super condensed version.
zy got his license today and took me lam and xz out for a drive. went to 85 market to makan and he drove lam and xz home. den i ask him to let me drive myself home and he said ok. so i did. and boy, was he disappointed. lol...
during move off, i forgot to steer right to clear the kerb so i started and the car mounted the kerb instead. instant fail in a real test. @_@ then i moved off too slowly coz i'm not used to that car (damn short legs, damn seat can't be adjusted too front, wearing slippers and foot-slipping-out, clutch/gas sensitivity different, yada yada yada). the drive home was smooth, although i almost missed a turn. luckily there's not much car so we turned in and drove all the way. there was a police car on the other side of the road around 400+ but another luckily, they didn't bother with us. we'll be so dead if they did. i didn't have a license to start with and zy didn't put his triangle plate (of course, lending me his car when he knew i didn't have a license will be taken into account too). it's just a thought but i'll be worse off than he might be. :p
my heart was pounding the whole drive home! especially the moving off part. fumbled way too much but once the car started moving, it was ok. zy commented that my clutch control ain't good and i change gears too slowly. gotta work on those the next time i have my lesson, which is 2 days from now. it's no secret my clutch control ain't good but it's decent enough to get the car moving yea? haha... a lil self-deception going on here.
can't wait for the day when i finally get my own license. hopefully on my first try. if not, then i'll make sure i get more lessons to perfect my clutch control and pass with flying colors on my 2nd attempt.
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