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| Your Brain is 40.00% Female, 60.00% Male |
You have a total boy brain Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts And while your emotions do sway you sometimes... You never like to get feelings too involved |
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today marks the unofficial graduation from temasek polytechnic. according to a really bored friend, it's been a lovely 2 years and 9 months instead of the 3 we were used to hearing. it's amazing. i had actually being crushed on (i.e. people actually have crushes on me, for those who don't dig my language). never knew i had that in me but then again, there are kooky people out on god's green earth. the joy, love, happiness, sadness, conflicts, reconciliations that happened throughout this period of time will surely remain with everyone in their hearts--even if the details might be lost to some, ok, just me. :p
life is but a journey and every journey has something to teach, either about others or about yourself. it's always sad to see the end of another temporary normality but we should all treat it as a starting point to another phase in life. don't get too caught up in the past.
... i had always thought we had left childishness back in secondary school but apparently, a women's grudge is indeed a fearsome force of nature. i've hoped that the two biggest conflict within our big group of 10 jie meis will resolve today, since this is going to be the last day we can meet up without a planned outing but alas, i've been disappointed.
it's hard trying to prevent any sort of fights between all 10 of us. it's hard not to side with any one party involved due to the underlying loyalties involved. it's hard taking the first step forward and apologize to each other after such a period of awkwardness. it's hard trying to make myself heard to all 9 of them, being the youngest and insignificant-est of all. it's just plain hard.
i guess i haven't really grown much after all these years. still naive enough to think everything's gonna be fine in the end. the blind optimist who believe that all things good will come eventually. no matter how much i try to kid myself into not getting my hopes up, i'd always ended up free falling from the skies and crashing spendidly into reality. after 19 years, you'd think i've learnt by now but nooo... *sigh*
i think i've said enough today. moral of the day is to tie up any loose ends before moving onto the next stage coz there's not gonna be another chance anymore.
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haven't been writing much. or rather, haven't been writing at all.
even the rusty machine known as my brain had abandoned the production of ideas. where had all the sparks that used to fire up my creativity and made me dizzy with the sudden influx of plots gone to?
now, as i stared at the blinking cursor against the white background, a sinking feeling passed over my very being. am i cursed with this bout of mental block because i am actually growing up? the late nights that was spent on constructing a decent story was but a distant memory and i can finally see it now. as i step closer to entering the working society, a polite term for shameless adult whoring in the name of money, i have began losing a bit of my old self. and that bit happened to be the one bit that i did not wish i lose. not in a million years.
it's sad, really. watching pieces of you fly out the window while you stand behind the glass panels, unable to do a thing to salvage the situation. the innocence that once spun humor. the anger that once spun angst. the imagination that once spun fantasy. all of which spiralling out the other side.
i used to blame it on the lack of time but now i can finally see it's not. my only real release has deserted me because i am growing up.
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